Asia Cocktail
1st October 2002
(This is an article from a previous website)After much deliberation, I decided to take the plunge and go dressed to yet another mainstream function. This was an annual cocktail organised by ASIA, yet another university based student/youth club. This year it returned to the Metropolis Concert Club in Perth, where it has been for 4 years before last year.
I did have some doubts about whether I wanted to endure the possibility of a repeat of Red is Red, but in the couple of weeks leading up to it, I found myself telling friends as well as shopping specifically for the night. I very well couldn't back out of it graciously anymore. Perhaps I had always wanted to go dressed, but I was just lying to myself.
The preparation began the week before with me pretty much deciding on what I was wearing and all. Even though I had settled on some hand-me-down green pants from my sister, I decided to shave my legs anyway, just in case I had to switch to a skirt on the last minute. I was in the middle of shaving when suddenly my legs just started to really sting. I figured I had cut myself (which I do from time to time), but it turned out I had taken bits of skin off entirely. Ouch! I have to remind myself next time that there's no need to press that hard when shaving legs as opposed to shaving the face. Gilette Satin Care is dangerous! I later took a bit of skin off my chin which was almost noticeable :(
After dinner I took my stuff to a friend's place to get changed. They (you know who you are) were so helpful! I was given free reign of a bedroom and a bathroom (except for that one time the toilet was needed :) while they carried on their usual affairs. They weren't even waiting for me or anything, which was great because I hate to get in the way of others.
After I was done, they were quite impressed. Either that, or my emotional involvement biased me to conclude that they were quite impressed (go figure that one out :). Certainly, I was quite happy with the result myself, it looked like tangible progress since last time. The photos also turned out very well too. Perhaps it was a lucky combination of lighting and makeup, or perhaps it was the skill of the photographer, or perhaps it was because one of my friends was making me laugh by saying all manner of rude, obscene or naughty comments.
When I got to Metropolis things were a bit quiet and people were just filtering in. I was understandably nervous and wary, but I decided there was nothing I could do except bolt and run, and I certainly wasn't going to do that. If I was less self-conscious, I think I would have noticed many people looking at me at one time or another. Certainly as the night wore on, I did notice some people or groups of people looking in my direction, but there was no way to tell whether they were looking because they had picked me out, or whether they were just crowd watching. Similarly, I did catch some smiles from some unknown female faces, but whether they were smiles of encouragement or smiles for strangers, I don't know.
I would expect though, that most people would have noticed and eventually picked me out, but I was not as overly as concerned as I might have been. I am coming to a conclusion that passing for more than a few minutes is impossible except under the most extreme or favourable conditions (like driving in one's car at night, I'm pretty certain I would pass that way :) However, if I look good (and I think I did on the night, big ego not withstanding) and let confidence shine through, then people are just as willing to give me space, which is just as good as passing (in my opinion).
I am also thinking that there is an otherwordly (for lack of a better term) beauty available to crossdressers. It may be distinct from the strictly female beauty, but it is beauty nonetheless, and I was aspiring to it on the night. (In simple language, I know I didn't look exactly like a girl, and I know that I cannot, but if I looked good, that was sufficient).
Anyway, after a while (perhaps an hour or so), the place had started to fill up, and I was on the dance floor with a circle of friends (and their friends). That made me feel better because the dance floor is my area while the bar and leaning on the walls is not. I tend to find that people on the dance floor look around less, and if I'm in the middle of it, then there would be much less stares my way. Now, if only I could get some space so I can dance properly!
From then on, the night carried on without much fanfare to talk about. It was more of the same dancing and having fun, without an anxiety attack like last time (though they also didn't turn the lights on like last time either).
There was one incident when I was off the floor momentarily, and a group of maybe three guys started making noises in my direction. One of them was probably drunk because when a friend of mine went up to challenge him (call me chicken, but I would have let it go), he started to get boisterous and argumentative. Fortunately a bouncer appeared and he started arguing with the bouncer, until the bouncer wrestled him to the ground and (presumably) escorted him out. I didn't find out what words were being said, but in hindsight, I need not care.
Well, after I had my fill, I decided it was time to head home, I started work mid-morning the next day. As I was driving home, I reflected on the night just past. It was a qualified success, because while I was not perfectly confident and still not fully comfortable, I think I carried myself much better. Certainly, it was a great experience for developing my confidence. And of course, I had fun!