Ramblings
(This is an article from a previous website)
Just some ramblings, partially taken from an introductory email I wrote to someone a few weeks ago.
<Begin excerpt>
I'm not even sure where to start, since it can get to be quite a big topic. The classic case is that the closet-ed CD (crossdresser) starts quite young, usually before 10 years of age. At that age, they don't really think about it or about it's right/wrongness. They just do it. And then society informs them that it's wrong or abberant, and they tend to repress and hide it.
That was pretty much me up until the beginning of 2001. It was like a totally separate part of my life and I didn't even think about it. It was something I enjoyed doing when everyone else was out of the house. But around 2001, a couple of events and observations led me to think about it, and then I decided to find out more. Once I searched on the Internet and found a whole wealth of information and anecdotes, I never looked back.
From that point on, it's been an ongoing journey of self-discovery. As has been mentioned, I have a strong sense of internally consistent logic, and after months of thinking in depth, I decided I wasn't doing anything wrong, and it's my right to cross-dress if I so wish. With that turning point, I began to slowly overcome my feelings of guilt and freakiness to eventually be at peace with what I am.
Moving to Melbourne has been a revelation for me because I now have the freedom to express myself. I've been out just about every week on average, and the progress of my development over the last 9ish months easily outstrips the earlier two years.
...
I would say most of my experiences have been good, but then again, I'm in a social-economic strata where people are mostly well-educated and open-minded. Generally, I think my self-acceptance is strong enough to show through and that helps a lot in uncertain first-time and potentially tricky situations. Since I don't portray it as anything weird or wrong, people tend to treat it in a similar fashion.
<End excerpt>
I cannot stress this last paragraph enough. Confidence and self-acceptance go hand-in-hand. They develop together. The more self-accepting you are, the more likely you are to venture outside, and the more likely you will develop your persona and your experiences, and so the cycle goes on and on. Otherwise, you may look fabulous, but your body language would be projecting guilt and apprehension and people unconsciously pick that up and reflect it back to you.
And I also want to take the opportunity to mention my role model. While we all learn from more than one person, she has been the main inspiration to me, and I find myself taking very similar steps to her. She is Kalina Isato and her site is www.transvamp.com. I agree completely with her objective of remaining boy with female impersonation on the side. Because of her, I've seen that it is possible to achieve a balance between the CD and TS extremes while still being out there, and it is a middle-road I aspire to.
And she's got good stories too.