Red is Red
(This is an article from a previous website)
On 28th March 2002, the Chung Wah Youth held a function at the Pallas nightclub in Perth titled "Red is Red". The Chung Wah Association is the local ethnic chinese/asian organisation, and the Chung Wah Youth is a sub-branch catering to the interests of people in their 20's, of which students and former students form a large majority. Pallas is a mainstream club also catering to this age group. These functions tend to be glorified excuses to party, with door and raffled prizes, fashion shows (displaying the wares of the local shops sponsoring the event) and sometimes dances or acts by fellow members of this demographic.
I had been hanging out for an excuse to let Cassie out, and when this was known, I jumped at the chance. I notified some friends to get some feelers for the situation, and the responses mostly came back as something like "Sure, why not?" (referring to going dressed). So the decision was made.
Now, what to wear? Well, I had this clingy "little black dress" that I had bought almost a year ago at a fire sale (the store, Harris Scarfe, was closing down) which I hadn't worn because it was too dressy. This was just the chance for it. Just add on a strappy bag, a few jewellery accessories, and I was almost set. The dress, by the way, is sleeveless and has a cross-over wrap bodice, creating a low-ish v-neck. I finished off with a pair of boots.
With the 3.5" heels, I realised I would be standing out quite a bit. (I'm a little above average height for asian guys as it is, so imagine if I was a quarter-head taller AND trying to pass myself off as a girl), but there is nothing I can do about this. I would just have to try to ooze confidence and flaunt my height :)
I dropped by a friend's place to get changed and ready. He was very nice and sweet in offering his place, otherwise I'd be really inconvenienced. I owe him a big favour, thanks so much! (You know who you are). Unfortunately, I lost track of time a bit, and spent wayyy too much time on lipstick. We ended up leaving his place at least half an hour later than scheduled. Oops.
When I got to Pallas, the place was relatively empty. People were only just trickling in. Some friends that I was tagging along with were finishing dinner across the road, so I went to join them and say hi. We hung around there for a while and then headed back.
I was starting to feel some nerves, which made sense since I haven't gone out as Cassie that much. Plus this was a mainstream gathering*. And I was taller than every other asian girl that I could see, and was I walking properly with the heels? Was I slouching? Was I smiling enough? What about my arms? Weren't they just a little too big and muscley? All these thoughts and others probably flashed through my head at some time of the night, but I was here, and I couldn't very well back out now. Oh well, just smile and take the plunge.
(*As an aside, I strongly believe that I should not have to hide myself from society just because I'm CDing. Thus so far, all my (few) outings have been at mainstream places. I haven't achieved this idea fully in practice yet; it is something I strive for. But this is another thread altogether.)
We hung around the bar and various spots in the club, chatting a bit here and there. People were really starting to appear now, and I probably caught a few eyes. There was a lion dance performance on stage (though Chinese New Year had long come and gone, but who am I to say?), which I didn't pay much attention to because it was crowded, and I got a bit separated from the others. After that, I refound the majority of friends, there was a bit of dancing, and I joined in, trying to unlearn my usual dance movements, and pick up whatever I could from the girls around me. I had to keep reminding myself: Hips! Move your hips!
Several times while I was on the dance floor, I noticed clusters of people looking in my general direction and grinning or laughing. Did they pick me out? I had no way of knowing. Probably some of them did, and probably some others were looking at something else behind or beside me.
As I was exiting the dance area to take a break and look for a couple of friends, I walked past two girls who smiled and gestured at me. I moved closer to hear them ask "Would you like to dance with us?" I replied that I was looking for some friends. They just laughed and I proceeded on my way. Looking back, perhaps they had picked me out, but it doesn't really matter whether they did or not. The nice bit was the offer to join them.
I found my friends, but I was soon after back on the dance floor. This continued for a short while and then the fashion show was on. This was a parading of the wares of the local fashion stores which had sponsored the event. The models were fellow asians of similar age, though of course, it's not as professional as those you see on TV. There were lots of clapping and cheering, particularly by people who knew the models on stage. When the fashion show ended, it was time to give out some prizes by raffling the numbers of sold tickets.
They lighted the place up and the MC came up to draw and announce the winning tickets. At this point, for some reason, I began to get uncomfortable. I don't know why I was feeling this way, perhaps it was just me being irrational, perhaps it was the nerves finally getting to me, perhaps it was my bravado running out, maybe it was the brighter illumination. I was drooping in confidence, and as the raffling continued, my discomfort was growing more and more. The announcements seemed to go on for a really long time, and I was just wishing they would finish up here and now so they could turn the lights back down. My instincts were, at this time, screaming at me. I wasn't sure what they were advocating, but I felt an urge to get out of the place.
When the raffles were over, and the dancing continued, I found a couple of friends (we were dispersed all over the place by then) and inquired when they might be heading home. They hadn't decided yet, so I looked around for some others, and eventually headed in the general direction of the entrance in search. I was leaking confidence by that time, and as I passed through the crowd, I overheard a girl ask "Is that a guy or a girl?", and it wasn't said in a curious tone, but in something more harsher sounding. That, I guess, might have been the final straw. I just had to get out. By the time I reached the entrance, I still hadn't found any other of my friends, but I just couldn't go back in. My reaction, then, was to flee the place, so I left Pallas and started walking off.
I was distraught on the way back to the car park. Luckily, it wasn't a particularly busy night, so the street wasn't crowded, but there was still enough people to make it a public place. If I got heckled, screaming would have attracted attention and probably help. Plus, the carpark was only a block away, and I did see some police officers on the other side of the road.
In hindsight, I was overly paranoid. I was safe enough, and the thought of "what if I got hassled" was probably an overreaction. Still, it was a relief to finally get to the car. Once I was in and driving home, I was alright. There was no way anyone could have picked me out while I was driving. But I locked the doors all the same (as is my habit at night whether in girl or guy form). And when I got home, my sister was still awake, so she took some photos for me. That was a bonus :)
All in all, it was an interesting night. I probably freaked out irrationally near the end, and missing out on saying goodbye was a real bummer. There were some great times, some fun times, and some terrifying times, but it was all an experience worth having. If I knew how the night would turn out, I would perhaps have reconsidered my decision to go dressed, but there was no way I could have known, and I don't believe in using hindsight to make decisions anyway. If time was reversed and re-run, I would still have gone dressed, and still would have come out a little bit shaken but wiser (I hope :).
Thanks for reading.